Update!

     With horror, I just realized that I haven't blogged in over a year. Oops? I've taken a huge break from social media in the past year and it's been amazing, honestly. I don't really think I'm going back to it much.
     Well anyway! Things here are really well! It's the height of summer and it's been in the upper 90s/lower 100s WITHOUT heat index, plus it's been very humid, so for a very pregnant woman it has not been too fun.
     Levi found a better job and it's been a relief. We struggled with money for so long and even though it's still not easy, it's a lot better and I am so thankful. Sometimes I wish I could go back to work, too, but it's just not an option. Childcare would be so expensive, and besides, it's not like I have a college degree or anything. That's the one regret I have, not going to college. It just wouldn't have happened though, plus having to pay off TWO people's school loans would have been a huge burden.
     A few months ago, I got a new car! Well, not a car... I'm officially a mini-van driving mama, and I am not ashamed. It was really necessary, with 4 kids, so it had to be done. I actually really love it though, it drives well and doesn't get too bad of MPG, considering.
     The boys are great!
     I can't believe how big they are, especially Bentley. He turned 4 on the 5th, and I can't believe how big he is, how smart and clever he's become. He's going to preschool in August full time, which is going to be a big change for him (and me...) but he seems kind of excited. He went last year, but it was only a half day a few days a week. This is much more structured, but I'm confident he will do well. Levi and I are pretty sure that next fall we're going to go ahead and enroll him in Kindergarten, even though he'll likely be the youngest in his grade. After the first year, we'll just gauge where he's at socially and learning-wise, and if we feel he's not ready, we'll go ahead and just have him repeat Kindergarten. It's not too big a deal, my friend did it with her son who had a summer birthday and he was fine. Especially because right now, he's attending a private Christian pre-k, and we're going to have him stay there for kindergarten/the first year of kindergarten before moving him to the public school, as long as we can still afford it.
     He's a really tenderhearted, sweet boy, but he really doesn't do well in situations with yelling/fighting and sometimes I worry that it's because when he was a baby and young toddler, Levi and I's relationship was so bad. It makes me feel terribly guilty that perhaps our fighting back then had an effect on him, but hopefully he will overcome it. He's been fully potty-trained for a while, which is a relief! Right now, ALL he can talk about is his little sister. It's so precious - he's always asking what she's doing, when she's coming, and he often tries to talk to her through my belly. He loves to help get her room ready and it's really so heartwarming. He's going to be such a good big brother to her! <3 always="" and="" asking="" child="" curious="" he="" is="" other="" p="" people.="" questions="" quite="" s="" the="" watching="">     Rafe is now just over 2 1/2! It's quite funny, because he seems to be the exact opposite of Bentley - he's loud, rambunctious, fearless, etc. etc. He has discovered his free will, and he's discovered it HARD. The use of "no" is literally every time I say something to him, and he revels in the fact that it frustrates me. His terrible twos are ridiculously terrible, and we've definitely struggled with finding the right way to discipline him that works best. Timeouts are starting to work, but it has taken a long time and much persistence. Sometimes when he's in a really bad fit, it literally takes two or three hours to finally get him to calm down and sit in timeout enough to calm down and understand.
     Other than the terrible twos, he's growing and learning so fast! His vocabulary seems to increase every day and he is terribly curious, but unlike Bentley, he actually likes to go and test things out himself, which means we have to keep a close, close eye on him. He's very imaginative and always comes up with these stories that make ZERO sense, hahaha. It's really funny. He's excited for his sister, too, although he INSISTS that she is a boy and the doctors were wrong. Hahaha. Because he apparently equates girls with "mommys", he says he doesn't want two mommies. I'm not sure if that should be an insult or.... Hahaha.
     Milo is 15 months now, can you believe it? He's an interesting mix of both Bentley and Rafe, and I feel like he's going to end up being the funniest out of the three - even now, he LOVES to laugh and when other people laugh. He'll always try to do things to get others to laugh, and then he'll laugh with you... It's really adorable. Right now he's kind of dealing with some separation anxiety, and a little fear of strangers, but I'm sure he'll get through that stage soon. He's walking pretty well now, and has discovered running which means a close eye has to be kept on him. I don't know what I would do without the baby gates, especially since I'm pregnant and waddling after kids is much less effective than running after them, haha. He's pretty disinterested in the fact that he's getting a sister, probably because he doesn't really understand, but I feel like it might be a little difficult for him to adapt well, since he's very attached to Levi and I right now, and getting less attention might be a little difficult.
     And now my pregnancy! I'm 37 weeks tomorrow, and in this heat, it's unbearable! I don't think I've ever been THIS uncomfortable in the last weeks of pregnancy. It's been 100+, and with the humidity it's torture. I am SO swollen, and my Braxton Hicks have been constant, plus I've had a terrible achy/crampy back for the past few days. Levi had to travel for his job Monday-Tuesday, and even though it was just two days, not having the extra help was really hard. I'm starting to get worried that it's going to be really really hard to handle four kids on my own when he's at work. He's taking off two weeks after I have the baby, but a week of that is his vacation time since he only gets a week of paternity leave, which sucks. I never thought it was fair that men get so little paternity leave.
I've been nesting like crazy, organizing and reorganizing her room a million times. I'm so anxious to meet her, and so is Levi - he's wanted a little girl for so long. She is going to be the most spoiled thing, the only little girl of a doting father, and the only sister of three big brothers.
     I keep looking forward to the time when the kids all get older and all the fun things we'll be able to do, like family vacations and school stuff. But then I have to hit myself upside the head and remind myself that they're only this little for so long.
     And so, I shall go enjoy my boys while we wait for Felicity/Caroline/Elodie/Alice "Allie/Halley/Hallie to be born... Hahaha.
    Names are seriously so hard, though. Levi adores Hallie but I love Alice "Allie", but Elodie goes best with the boys' names, to me, and Felicity flows best with Jillian and I've always had a soft spot for Caroline. THIS IS TOO HARD.